The impact of divorce is a matter that should not be “parked at a side”. The impact of divorce causes children to grieve, experience pain and extreme fear. This leaves its marks when children grow up and become adults. The impact sometimes influences the child through the child’s whole Life’s Journey until the victim of divorce looks for Counselling Psychotherapy as a means of support, in order to change the confusion, lack of love for self, self-worth, self-esteem, repeated attempts to hurt self, attempted suicides and repeated offending behaviours besides possessing a poor coping mechanism.
A child grieves silently, fearfully, as a parent fights it out in Court. The parent believes the child will normalize after divorce matters finalize but statistics show a different reading. Please refer to “First Local Study On The Intergenerational Effects Of Divorce On Children – The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF)”.
MSF conducted a study of more than 100,000 adult Singaporeans to examine the long term side effects parents’ divorce may have on children. MSF studied the marital and financial records of the sample size of adults at age 35.
In this article we hope to bring about awareness and emphasise the importance of managing children with effective support through intensive counselling psychotherapy, as parents go through a divorce.
The Negative Impact if Divorce on Children
The Ministry identified through studies done overseas that “children with divorced parents experienced potentially negative consequences into their adulthood”. MSF aimed to find out, if there was a similar trend in Singapore, and if so, the extent of the impact.
The Study released by MSF with the Department of Statistics, measured the financial and marital outcome of 101,180 children born between the years 1979 and 1981. It showed some significant figures between two groups. One group comprised children of divorced parents and the other group comprised children of parents who remained married. Parents of about 9000 of the sample size, divorced before the children turned 21.[1]
The results were from aggregated data from several administrative and survey sources.
The study aimed to compare children of similar backgrounds, and took into account the following factors:
- Parents marital status
- Demographics of parents from both groups – Age and Highest Qualification when parents were married.
- Children of divorced parents had lower finances in the Central Provident Fund (CPF) as compared to children of non-divorced parents.
The findings were as follows:
| Children on Non-Divorced Parents | Children of Divorced Parents | |
| Average Income Percentile Rank | 46.7 | 41.8 |
| Likely to get married by age 35 | 73.6% | 75.9% |
| Likelihood of Divorce by age 35 | 21.7% | 13.8% |
| Likely to obtain University Degree | 37% | 27.8% |
The study found that children from divorced families faced long-term “divorce penalties” in adulthood compared to children from intact families, across a range of economic and marriage indicators
First Local Study On The Intergenerational Effects Of Divorce On Children by The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF)
The findings from the study conducted by MSF suggests that divorce may have a negative impact on children, into adulthood. Key areas identified are education, finances and relationships.
Mitigating the Impact of a Divorce
Children’s fears and confusions are unexplainable (by young children) when parents quarrel. These fears and confusions grow with them through different stages of their lives if not addressed appropriately and in a timely manner through counselling.
It is important that children are told clearly that they are not the cause of the divorce. Silence and hurt grows internally. Emotions, memories and experiences are complicated and children may find these difficult to manage. These confusions may manifest in different ways through tantrums and anger episodes. The subconscious memories and pain may manifest silently when one least expects them to, in a totally different situation and time of life.
There may be times, when we do things we do not understand, and remain confused about why we do them. The root of these actions which remain beyond our understanding often remain deep set in our experiences, emotions and memories as children. Of course, newer experiences may shape us as well.
These children, as teenagers or adults then become victims of their own difficult-to-manage subconscious or silent memories and thought. The root of these actions which remain beyond our understanding often remain deep-set.
When is it time to get the right support?
Parents need to remember that a child’s first point of contact are the parents. Children often look at their parents as role models for many different things, with relationships being one of them. The interactions parents have, their behaviour towards each other, shape the “images” a child creates about relationships.
These “images” are cultivated within a child, and are referenced at relevant points in life, especially when the child experiences relationships during different phases of life.
It is also critical to understand that this is not confined to relationships. People generally make an assumption of 1 to 1, i.e., “divorce is a breakdown of relationships, and therefore, my child will only experience negative effects in his/her own relationships.”
Some parents make this mistake, which is understandable. However, equally important is the understanding that human emotions; well the human being, is complex! Therefore, it is imperative to understand that a “1 to 1” scenario where human emotions are concerned, is just not feasible.
Through the years, these “images” shape and mould the “artist” and begin to define character, personality, well being, mental health amongst several other aspects of life, including finances and other factors which are seemingly unrelated to a parent’s divorce, such as education.
Generally, it is beneficial to seek Counselling for children before and through, (impact lowered), or immediately after a divorce (extreme pain and or confusion set in). By seeking Counselling before or through a divorce (impact lowered), it allows the Counsellor to focus on the children on a “as it happens” basis, allowing the Counsellor to effectively manage the child/children.
At the Centre for Psychotherapy, we have managed cases where certain behaviours and life outcomes of adults were traced to the marital disharmony between their parents. Today, these adults are living happier, confident and successful lives.
Contact Centre for Psychotherapy to find out how we can help
[1] First Local Study On The Intergenerational Effects Of Divorce On Children – The Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF)
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